This is how it went down.
I was climbing into bed last night, glass of wine and cat in hand. I was going to cuddle up and watch Pretty In Pink until I fell asleep (one reason I’ll miss my laptop). Right away, Harper was totally fixated on the ceiling. No surprise, she likes to stare at the ceiling. But, I happened to glance up and noticed a large dark shadow in the crevice between the ceiling and wall just adjacent to my wardrobe.
I turned up the light and, sure enough, there was a HUGE spider where I had seen the shadow.
“Fuck fuck fuck fuck FUCK!”
There are no words to describe how terrified I am of spiders. Even little ones. Hell, all bugs, even ants. The spider was brown, so I immediately decided that it was a wolf spider, who are mean little fuckers.
I considered leaving it be, but it was so close to my wardrobe that I feared our next meeting would occur between my foot and the spider in one of my shoes. So, I scampered into the kitchen and grabbed the nastiest stuff I could find, Raid.
Back in the room, the spider had not moved, nor had Harper. I climbed onto the bed, standing on the corner on the balls of my feet. “Sorry about this,” I muttered before drowning him (her?) in Raid. Or, so I thought. The spider dropped to the floor and started crawling away, albeit slowly.
“Shit! Fuck fuck.”
Back to the kitchen I ran, quickly grabbing a mound of paper towels. In the bedroom, Harper was a few inches away from the spider when I shooed her away. The last thing I needed was a poisoned cat with a spider bite. I pressed down as hard as I could, squealing the entire time. When I let go of the soft mound, I saw a single spider leg trying to find its way out of a corner of the paper.
I ran to the kitchen one last time, picking up the heaviest cookbook I could get my hands on. I placed it firmly atop the paper towels, pressing down with my foot, just in case.
And, the spider remains, buried under some paper towels and a very useful copy of Larousse Gastronomique. I figure David can take care of it when he gets home tonight.